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Being AloneYou know what the best thing about being alone? no one knows if you are here or if you are gone. Ones silence can someday be their downfall, but shhh if you listen you can hear the ticking. Tick. Tick. Tick. You can see now. but shhh there are only secrets behind these walls. count. count. count. One. Two. Three.
Inside DemonI'm lucky to be alone, because if I wasn't people would know. I have a demon inside. and right now it is clearly on the outside. ripping me apart. Only maybe if I wasn't so alone I wouldn't be letting it come out. Ah I am so good at locking it up, but it is a part of me and if you suppress something to long it will explode and there is no holding it back. this demon is getting restless. and the bars of this cage are starting to break. I will have to let it out or it won't be willing to go back in. only there is no safe place. nowhere to transform. this place is full of eyes. The demon inside is scratching at my throat, tearing at my stomach and eying my fresh skin. my hands are getting twitchy, my body is starting to spasm and I can feel it coming out. Help? someone stab it, please? end the suffering and pain. don't let it come out. I don't want to lose all control, I don't want to be the animal. I can feel my skin stretching like I'm going to explode. I can feel it growing inside. rip
AngelsGod has sent his angels
To collect another precious soul
One whose eyes shone blue like the noon day sky
Whose frame once stood tall and strong
But sickness took all away
Your fragile frame now lays lifeless
But the glow around your face
Lets me know that you are in a better place
Comfortably you left this world in a coma
Leaving family and friends in tears
Of sorrow and joy
They can’t see you fly
Flying high in a comfortable way
Singing with the other angels who have come to guide you home
Pray for us in heaven
For here we feel so alone
Your presence is lost
And only memories remain
Here we hold a picture of you
To show one last time what your bright blue eyes looked like
How your smile could brighten the day
Hold us now
In your angelic arms
Give us comfort in this time
Breathe peace into our hearts
That life may go on
Be forever here to watch over us
Until the day we can meet again.
Let It All GoLet it all go
Limbs have lost motion
Mind running wild
All emotions ripped out
Every feeling cut loose
Rip off the coat
Stand out in the rain
Isolated in company
Lost within the crowd
Loved more than deserved
Gifts with every turn
Close eyes fall asleep
Dream of deaths not too sweet
Dancing in the wind
Singing to the sky
Let it all go.
BladeThe sweet taste of pain
Lingering at the end of every nerve
Dripping blood like fresh drops of rain
This blade is the only master I serve.
Such a strange person.
So fearsome and yet so relieving.
Lately death has become a friend of mine,
He and his pals have been close company with me.
Silence is the only person I really like talking to,
The ring of her voice is so soothing.
Isolation is the only company I need,
He holds my hand and guides me around.
Depression is a great friend to me,
She is always there giving me a hug whenever I need it.
These friends are the best ones I know,
I have other ones but they aren't as great.
Happiness for example is always leaving.
She is great when she is around but she doesn't like to stick around.
Outgoing is such a social guy,
But he doesn't seem to have time for me,
Always out partying with someone else.
Sound is just plain annoying.
She never knows when to be quiet,
Always blabbing away or making noise to drown out Silence.
Now these are all just friends of mine,
My best friend who I mentioned earlier is Death,
Who gets along with everyone.
Because he is always around whenever
BruisesDark painful imperfections
Abrasions below the skin
Black blue, purple, grey, green
What color does your portrait sheen?
Why cover them up?
Bruises line in perfect symmetry
Up and down, left and right
Watch my eyes as they turn black.
I take the hits with little thought
Beat me black and blue
Words or fists
The pain is the same
Screaming and bleeding
I smile all the same
Cut out the hate
Let you stay the same
Apologies are empty
My words are lost in deaf ears
Black and Blue
I Hate You
Love me all the same.
Help MeI'm lost in this hollow place
This frame I live in can only hold me up for so long
I'm breaking inside and I'm falling apart
Is no one here to hear my silent cries?
I want to escape from this place
And the only way out isn't a choice
The doors are locked the key is lost
I can't see
The darkness is overwhelming
My only sanctuary is when I have lost myself
Far away on a dirt path leading to nowhere
Where the trees change colors and talk to me
And there is nothing I can do
This road is going downhill
And I can't seem to run fast enough
I'm falling to fast
And there is no one to catch me
I'm losing myself
This time I can only go so far.
FearThe Dark Spot
Festering in the back of the mind.
Expanding past irrational,
Devouring sanity piece by piece.
Poison enters the veins,
Pumping viciously through the heart.
Tremors ripple through the body,
Paralyzing the muscles.
Fear swallows the mind.
Tears at the flesh.
Releasing the adrenalin.
RUN. FIGHT. SCREAM.
FEAR CONSUMES ALL.
ViolinI remember the day
you told me violins
were strung with cat gut
and that is why
you hated music
(who says that to a child?)
I followed you
all that summer.
I watched you
grow away from mother -
your whiskey held better conversations
and all she did was cry.
We'd sit cross-legged on the porch
and count the horseflies
settling on our lunch.
You would drown tadpoles
in a bucket
surprised they could not swim
and I would dream
of cherry popsicles.
And when night would gather
on the sidewalk
I'd hold my breath
until a star appeared.
Don't bother making wishes
you'd tell me -
stars are dead weight in heaven
and God has cloth ears.
iHer eyes clouded by
nightmares of the past
Angst controls her life
as shadows chase her
each and every day
My School Says I'm Worthless (sort of a rant)I'm a criminal because my values aren't their values
And I'm scum to say the least
Because I'm not on their list
Ones who have their lives set out
And drink from molten glory raining down from
School top balconies...
And I have myself left to blame for all the non-attempts
And truancies; the bleak distractions
That help me escape the inviolable test-score stares
Of disapproval that I attract from their
And they're forced to ask me 'Why?
Why are you still here?'
And I can barely say
That I'm afraid to leave.
That I know that no-one knows
Or what they want to be
But unlike those
I gave up
A while ago
And they can't tell me to my face that I'm a failure so they heavily imply
That my lacking presence
And even less impressive
Tendency for slacking off is evidence
That I am stupid and a fool and nothing more than such a waste of resources
And it's a disappointment
That I don't hold their ideals
VesselYour heart is a compass.
Broken, perhaps, but I know
It’s always searching for the North Star.
Which way will your beard point tonight?
DanielYou are vertebrae
reinforced with titanium
that does not make you the lesser -
You’ve got the weight of the world
on one shoulder
sometimes you trip because of it -
you’re still walking
and if things fused wrong
post or anterior
and if things fused out in the interior
your circuits live on
and if your thoughts get circular
or so do your moods
and your mind blanks and you forget -
you’re nervous but strong -
then I’ll remind you.
Because you give me
the backbone required
you’re my Atlas, so I lift my head,
you’re my axis, so I can face the future
because you are vertebrae
reinforced with titanium.
You’re my inner strength.
FallingFailure after failure
A life not worth living
Lost in my misery
Long gone are the good moments
I keep falling
Nothing can save me now
Gone my hopes are
you can't have it allBut you can have eating wild grapes and their skin like beetle wings
cocooned in bruises. You can have swings that go so high you kick
a hole in the clouds. You can have chickens following you through the front door
and the cat’s gift to say, Look, I am taking care of you.
You can have happiness, but tempered as
your first taste of wine when you hid your puckering face
because you were eight years old and dangerous.
You can have a touch you blush for, ferret hands dancing,
small and terrifying and knowledgable.
You can have an aspiration of “us” held on one stool leg, darting breaths but
never admitting to dreams, to a stew of practicality.
You can talk to her, sometimes,
and even mean something.
You can have the book you stole after she stumbled,
and “that” word sank into your hands. You can’t cure cancer,
but you can have two sets of spoons in the same sink
although she’s only touched the one you lent her,
the one you didn’t expe
Vile cold word
Describes the most despised emotion
No one loves it
Everyone fears it
Its edges cut deep into tender hearts
Absorbed and relished by hollow hearts
There is no escape
It lurks in the darkest part of the mind
Waiting to strike at any moment
The moment where the mind fails
Nothing is left between Hate and the body
Hate mutilates all love and care
Leaves the flesh scarred and cold
There is no room for love
Hate consumes all
There is no escape.
Nine TimesI saw him nine times.
The first time we were both sitting in the room together, getting ready to take the math test that would determine our placement. I was scatterbrained and throwing things around, trying to find the pencils that I had known I would need but had still just tossed in my purse. He was lounging backwards in his chair, looking for all the world as though he didn’t have a single care in the world, including the upcoming test. It annoyed me, that I was frantic and ready to scream, while someone else could be that relaxed.
I tested out of the class.
I don’t know if he did.
The second time I saw him, it was a few months after I arrived on campus. He was the one rushing and frantic this time, running across the square. He was probably late for class, though I had no way of knowing for sure. I was already lost in my own thoughts and ideas, deciding on my major and convincing people that yes, this is what I really want to do with my life. If they weren
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