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Submitted on
November 9, 2012
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The sweet taste of pain
Lingering at the end of every nerve
Dripping blood like fresh drops of rain
This blade is the only master I serve.
I'm in a morbid mood right now.
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hello, I am (okay late but forgive me) from :iconpoeticalcondition:

This work... okay you were in a morbid mood but managed to write quite an amazing work. While I personally dislike works based on self infliction of pain and all, this work appeals to me in a poetical way. It is a Quatrain which is a form I have written in and personally like. It also, like 6 word stories, holds a lot of depth in a short work which makes it more wonderful.

So coming to the work directly, the expressions in every single line are well formed, they merge well and the meaning they give off - while I don't approve of it - comes about beautifully. The last line especially was beautiful. I hope it does not reflect on anything you do in real life ^^;

That is all, I hope you are doing well :D
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:iconnotensmsk:
NotenSMSK Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You are welcome.
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:iconprettyflour:
prettyflour Feb 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey there,

Prettyflour here on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition: with the critique you requested.

I must say, I have long been a fan of short poems. I love when when a poet can say so much with just a few words. You've definitely accomplished that with this poem.

Morbid? Yes. You certainly convey that.

I like the way you use the words sweet and pain in the same sentence. Two opposite things that you brought together nicely to show another side of what pain can bring some people.

And the last line? Brilliant. It has a finality to it that ends it nicely.
Great job! I hope you're not feeling morbid anymore, but if you are... keep writing and let it all out in a safe and healthy way by expressing it with words.

Thanks and have a great night!
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:iconsecretaura:
Thank you, I try to fight the dark side of my mind often with words, sometimes I am not very good at it but I try :) Your response is greatly appreciated.
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:iconmagicaljoey:
:hug:
I know this morbid mood all too well.
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:iconthelunardragon:
TheLunarDragon Jan 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This Critique is on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition:

Ah, yet another brief poem! Always makes it a challenge to Critique. But I like a challenge!
I did rather enjoy everything about this piece. The ability to give off such emotion with so few words is absolutely fantastic, I eve got a few chills. Well done.

The only thing I can critique here, is, as with many of my critiques. The Categorization of this piece. This is more Fixed form poetry than Free Verse. Free Verse 99.9% of the time does not rhyme or have much structure. Beyond that, brilliant job!
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:iconsecretaura:
Thank you! and I actually didn't realize it rhymed... so I will try changing its category.
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:iconoilux:
Oilux Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
Hi! Your wonderful literature has been featured on my Sunday Selects!
[link]
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